A Man or an ATM?

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Today many women are financially completely independent but we still see female family members, friends or neighbors delegating their financial security to a spouse, from shelter to other living expenses. How I see it, even if your husband's income is sufficient to pay the bills and maintain a high lifestyle standard, it is a huge mistake for a woman to rely on anyone but herself when it comes to finances.

Financial independence is priceless. It is very important for a woman of any age to maintain financial independence. If you are not a woman with ambition and don't care for success in your career and self esteem, you don't need to get a huge income. You don't even need to work 24/7 specially if you have kids and need to take care of them (we all know that raising children is a full time job already), but even a small job or a part time one will do the job...

I'm not saying do not accept money from your husband or take on his responsibilities. NO! We don't want any lazy irresponsible husbands. And I am not saying that you should have equal responsibility for spending in the relationship and for building for the future. Financial and social situations should be taken into consideration like who's income is higher, years of work experience, age difference... Instead, I am saying do not rely entirely on his income.

But why is it that important to maintain financial independence? In her book Sherry Argov said, "Work = Money = Keeping your pink slip = The ability to choose the way you want to be treated = Dignity". She added, "Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand on your own - with him or without him. He should never feel that you are completely at his mercy."

Better for you to work as a waitress one day a week and you will put on your new shoes and you will not have to explain "nothing" to "nobody"! If he is paying all the bills, trust me "money gets funny and the change gets strange".

Another point is that when you decide to get married you never expect it to fall apart. However, nothing in life is certain. Divorce or separation can happen to absolutely anyone of us even for couples that have been together for over than 20 years! The unpredictable is the most hard thing to take and you'd better be in a situation where even if separation happens, you are already used to taking care of at least your basic needs completely on your own!

I don't want to be pessimistic, but other than divorce, we are never promised another day. What would a woman dependent financially on her husband do if he... passes away? Unless he is a damn rich guy who is leaving all his fortune to you, then good luck finding one. I've seen a woman at the age of 40 obliged to find a job for the first time in her life because she lost her husband and she still has kids to take care of and bills to pay.

Last but not least, which family didn't have at least one of its members loosing his/her job? Only small percentage of people has complete job security. Imagine your husband is the only breadwinner and he looses his job or his business goes wrong, what would you do then? Loss of employment can result in the loss of everything in a home where one person is relied upon for the income.

When you are not already in the labor market or if you are away from it for many years, it is so hard for you to get in or get back. Employers prefer candidates with a dynamic CV. Even fresh skills with very good CVs are nowadays finding difficulty to find a job with the economic situation in Lebanon, Europe, Canada etc...

Here are ten of the most important things women can do for themselves and their financial future from About.com and modified:

• Don't rely on someone else, like a husband or boyfriend, for your financial security
• Educate yourself about money management and investing
• Set goals - it's key to financial success
• Spend less than you earn - it's the secret to creating wealth
• Get a good education degree
• Build an emergency fund
• Be involved in the day-to-day management of your family's finances, and talk about money with your spouse
• If you are graduating soon, wait until you get a job and you feel you are financially stable before tying the knot
• Don't take on your partner's or spouse's debt when you marry. Let him deal with them before getting you evolved!
• Learn from your money mistakes

See you soon...

Society with Miyaw competition

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They usually say that when you stop practicing something for a while, you will find difficulty getting back to it. Same thing applies to blogging. It has been 1 week I am sitting in front of my screen, trying to put out a new subject for my readers, but I wasn't able to do so. And I think it is normal!

Let me clarify it more to you. When I was in Lebanon, I was always busy, busy with school, busy with work, busy with family and friends, busy going out, busy with politics, everyday problems and so on... I was never alone! It was more like a community life, where you belong to that community and you always talk and listen to people. You are never silent!

When I came to Montréal, my life's routine changed. I started spending more time alone. I started spending more time silent, at school, in the metro or even in my room. That's where I started learning how to listen to my thoughts and the voice inside my head instead of talking and listening to other people. And that's where I started blogging, even if it's not a professional writing, but at least, I could now translate my thoughts into actual words that I can share with people.

And there is always a triggering event that gives you anger, adrenaline or strong feelings that makes you wanna express yourself...

My aim here is not to talk about one person: I won't waste my time by talking about him because he doesn't really matter, he is only someone desperate for fame, trying to achieve it the cheapest way same as many others in the Lebanese society.

And it worked, and it works every time... But he is not the one to blame, it is us! Why did his cheap way to get a minute of fame work? Isn't it because the audience, us, actually paid attention to him and gave him the fame he wants? Isn't it because we cared to the silly thing he did and gave him of our time more than he deserves?

What I really want from this post is to express my sadness because of where our society is heading, the image of women that we are accepting and practicing and the values we are destroying! You know... What makes Lebanon special is really its rich heritage from the time of the Phoenicians till now. Yes, we will not live in the past and people actually evolve and adapt... but when you see that your society is moving backward instead of forward, you would feel disappointed!

We have been taken by what is shallow to the point that we forgot to value art! Our relations with each others and with ourselves are all based on appearance! We've been distracted by everything that shines, is materialistic and sexual! And that is why every now and then someone tries to benefit from that by giving a performance full of sexual attitude and based on looks and nothing but looks, and it works!

It has been 1 year I am in Montreal and till now I have never seen any advertisement or billboard using women body to sell a product, I am not seeing Sex embedded in every small or big subject on TVs like in Lebanon! Why? Because there is no obsession. Because they respect the woman as a person and would never think about her as a sex symbol. Women are not valued by how they look (nor men) and that's why they don't need to refer to plastic surgeries to look better nor to fancy cloth to get respect nor to shake their body to get attention!

We are distracted! We won't pay attention to researches in the field of medicine, nor to engineering projects to build nicer Beirut, nor to ways to resolve our society's problems. Because we are distracted!

It makes me so sad that we, educated decent women, work hard to get ourselves in front, fight all obstacles to try to make a great picture about Lebanese women, while trash like that, sing with there body and make a whole crap of picture to the world about Lebanese women, making us look not more than plastic dolls with sex appeal and empty heads that have no respect to ourselves nor to fine art! It makes me so sad that we don't care for fine art to the point that Lebanese people won't talk about an event like Amine Maalouf's reward as much as they would talk about a song where the singer actually miyaws!

I feel sad because I am disappointed! I traveled to study, I am working hard day, night and weekends to make something out of myself and to improve myself and my image. I want to be a part of a better society. And suddenly I feel that all my efforts are going with the wind because the Lebanese society prefers to sing a shitty song where the singer declines a woman's education and asks her to be a barbie doll and songs where the singer actually miyaws!

It makes me sad to hear what people here in Montréal think about Lebanese women! While talking about us they don't mention but plastic surgeries, sex symbols and men's show off!

It makes me sad the fact that women are not present in the political life as they should be, and that they are not taken seriously even though Lebanon is a country where women are liberated much more than any of the countries around it. Why? Because we are still letting crap be the center of our attention! We are actually distracted by ear worms like those!

I was happy to find that some people said No out loud to such a low level... but this is not the first time! We already accepted that, we applauded and we are still paying attention. This way, our society will turn into shitty one where there is no place for Women that actually do fine art or excel in the field of engineering, business, politics, medicine... No Woman wants to be in a competition with a singer that miyaws!

We aren't but an audience that applauds... that's really sad!

Good luck bringing Women in front!

See you soon...

I do what I like and don't care tonight...

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Sick of jogging alone or hitting the gym? Yet you still want to work out? Here is what you can do!

Sunny day, few fellows, relaxing outfits, sunglasses, an ipod, iphone, mp3 or anything with music on, your earphones, "I don't give a shit" attitude and you are ready to: Dance walking!

The rules are simple: same playlist for all, we all start the music at the same time and we just walk in Montreal streets while dancing freestyle on the same music we are hearing ONLY in our ears! Yes you got it, people around us were not hearing the music but they were actually seeing us dancing! We did a tour on the street, in the parc and in the fruits market next door.

People were happy to see us, some people cheered us, and some others where like "what the...??". Well, yeah can't blame them! Imagine yourself stopping in your car on the red light and suddenly a bunch of young people passing in front of your car dancing without you hearing any music! I guess that would be funny! Actually the thing I enjoyed the most was crossing the street like a monkey and like a cowgirl! Yihaaaaaaa!

Here is a sample of what it was like. Our playlist had "Sexy and I Know It", "Ice Ice Baby", "I Like To Move It" and more of crazy "freestyle" songs. I added to this video the song that made us jump the most: "On Top Of The World"

We sweated, we moved and we enjoyed the sun. We actually did a very good work out and at the same time we had a good time and we've put a smile on people's faces.

Now that sunny Montreal days have started, more of dance walking to come! So keep tuned, you might be dance walking with us next time ;)

See you soon...

75% exterminated: Genocide

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What would you do if 75% of your country's people were massacred? What if the plan was the extermination of your people?

I address this question to each person in the world deniying the Armenian genocide or saying 'It happened long time ago'. Would you say the same if these 75% were the people of your own country not of Armenia? Would you forget or forgive? Would you stay still? Would you deny?

Or would you take action, raise awareness, speak up, ask for justice and a fair trial?

1.5 million Armenians were massacred by Turkey, 24 April 1915

The first Genocide of the 20th century: "Armenian communities would vanish from the face of the earth; neither women nor children would be speared. Whatever crimes the most perverted instincts of the human mind can devise and whatever refinements of the persecution and injustice the most abase imagination can conceive became the daily fortune of these devoted people. The whole history of the human race contains no such horrible episode as this one."

Therefore I decided to raise awareness about the Armenian Genocide at least among my friends and family.

A major obstacle for wider recognition of the genocide in the world is the position of Turkey that denies the Armenian genocide although it is documented.

Here is a summary of the Armenian Genocide Recognition around the world:

Barack Obama's position

We recall, Barak Obama`s speech in 2006: “[…] the Armenian Genocide is not an allegation, a personal opinion, or a point of view, but rather a w...idely documented fact supported by an overwhelming body of historical evidence. […] The facts are undeniable. […] as President I will recognize the Armenian Genocide.” 

He has since backed off of those statements, stating only that his opinion hasn't changed and refusing to use the word genocide, even in his statement issued today, 24 April 2012.

Here is the map showing historic Armenia and current one where Turkey has taken its lands including Ararat mount:

Turks actions on Armenian people in 1915:

• Turks deported  Armenians: "take them like sheep to the desert and let them die of thirst and hunger themselves"
• Turks murdered Armenian men, women, children, doctors and government officials then hung them or fed them to the dogs
• Turks tortured and degraded Armenian women. They were beaten, raped, starved, and murdered
• The corpses of those murdered Armenians were observed to be floating down the Rivers. Most often the male corpses were hideously mutated in the sense that their sexual organs had been excised and the females were had usually been ripped open
• Turks burned Armenian schools with children inside and threw the babies into the lakes
• Turks threw the Armenians into the river and watched them drown to death, and the ones that could swim were shot as they struggled in the water
• Some Armenians had to bury their own families in the ground to save them from the Turkish torture
• Turks massacred the Armenians from 1915 to 1923. The starting date of the genocide is conventionally held to be April 24, 1915, the day when Ottoman authorities arrested some 250 Armenian intellectuals and community leaders in Constantinople.

Once William Saroyan said: 

"I should like to see any power of the world destroy this race, this small tribe of unimportant people, whose wars have all been fought and lost, whose structures have crumbled, literature is unread, music is unheard, and prayers are no more answered. Go ahead, destroy Armenia. See if you can do it. Send them into the desert without bread or water. Burn their homes and churches. then see if they will not laugh, sing and pray again. For when two of them meet anywhere in the world, see if they will not create a New Armenia"

People around the world should understand that the Armenian Genocide is not an event belonging to our history. It is part of our lives. If the Armenian Genocide won't be recognized what would then stop murderers repeating such an event? They would think that they can do a new Genocide and it will then be forgotten like the Armenian one. Turks killed 1.5 Million for the only reason that they were Armenians. Yes it is Genocide.

To have the genocide denied is to die twice.

Recognize the Armenian Genocide!

Proud to be Armenian.

See you soon...

Here is a list of documents showing some facts about the Armenian Genocide along with my references:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODm0Xymo5h8&feature=related
• http://www.angelfire.com/ab/armeniangenocide/index.html 
• https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=348186318562091&set=a.180350412012350.36166.159317240782334&type=1&theater

Dos and Don'ts while picking up a girl at a nightclub

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Want to get lucky tonight? A nightclub is one of the most likely places a woman expects to be hit on. Great ambiance, smooth mood, everyone's happy! Here are some tips to help you on your way:

• Make sure not to hold any wall like a typical desperate one women avoid
• Observe her discreetly for a little while before making any moves. That could help you start a conversation
• Signal your interest by catching her eye and check out her reaction. If she frowns, she's not acting hard to get lol
• Let her know, even from afar, that you like what you see
• Don't take too much time to approach her otherwise someone else might do
• When you do approach her, ask whether she minds some company
• Be sweet and avoid sentences like: "Where did you get your body from?"
• Make her laugh. Keep your eyes on her without staring at her cleavage
• Don't act like a pervert and rub up against her
• Offer her a drink and make her few innovative suggestions
• Don’t order her a drink with a stupid name like the Wet P**** or the condom shot. No girl really wants to drink a condom. And we do NOT think it's funny
• Stay sober! Even if you think you can handle your drinks, the worst experience for a woman is a guy who drinks too much. It is a total turn off!
• If she’s enjoying her time, ask her to join you on the dance floor
• Here is a perfect example of dance moves to avoid:

Please, as he said, don't, EVER, do that again!!

• Don’t get too intimate with her and don't spank her on the ass while dancing
• For God's sake, don’t sing out loud if you suck in it
• After enjoying each others company, ask if you can see her again
• Show some confidence, even the ugliest guy could be a winner then
• Don’t ever swear at her or around her, save swearing for football games
• Always smile at her so she won't feel you’re bored of her
• If you can't resist looking at other girls, make sure she doesn't see you, otherwise she'll think you're a poop head
• Don’t talk to her about other girls like your ex who dumped you, the girls you've slept with or hit on. That will surely gonna ruin your chances 
• Don’t be clingy, kind of keep her on her toes and then eventually be that nice guy she wants

And hey, best pick ups usually start at a club, whether you are looking for a one night stand or a real relationship... Girls are open to it, ready for it and really expecting it. So here are your chances buddy, good luck!

See you soon...

Schizophrenia...

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Man shitting on the street in front of a
filthy building

Sunday... Lonely lazy day! Watching that chick flick "Bridesmaid" hasn't made it any better until I realized I am late for my first dance class: Bachata! Only few of you know Bachata, but if you watch it on Youtube, you will see how easy and sensual it is. Actually, it's a three-step dance with a Cuban hip motion originated in the Dominican Republic. 

Running late to my first class, I missed the bus, lost the dance studio and had to walk way far from where it was. In fact, it was my first time to reach that area of Montréal called "Sainte Catherine Est". Apparently, it's a total different aspect of Montréal I haven't experienced or seen before. Well, if I have ever thought that what I have seen so far of weirdness in Montréal is the weirdest it can get, today I was proven to be wrong!

People swearing, gangsta, prostitutes, dirty streets, awkward looking people, empty scary buildings, weird provocative drawings on walls... That is just an idea! Living in a secure and proper place in Montréal, I haven't really experienced Montréal's other face! Of course, I could have turned back to where I came, but - and since we were still in the daylight and the street was crowded - my curiosity made me continue walking, trying to discover more about that other concept that is quite interesting to look at. Poverty, dirtiness, most probably insecure!

After a while, I got back to the dance studio that i finally found. Here, it was much nicer with a great ambiance :) The energetic teacher asked me to join the group calling me "the 45 min late girl" -  Of course he was exaggerating! He made jokes about my sharp timing; "Has he ever met a Lebanese?". We started learning and trying our steps with a continuous partners switch on cool music! It really felt good and the people were really nice and smiley! I am definitely coming back for my next class, but this time 'on time'! At the end of the class, the teachers showed us a Bachata pro dance I have filmed.

Really cool hen? Yeah right I will get to their level very soon!

After the class is done, I took a walk on my favourite street: Sainte Catherine's. Here it is Downtown Montreal where the action happens. The weather was great! I had to take a hot dog and eat it on the stairs of Place des Arts while having chatty chats with nice people around me. The funny thing was that the employee at 'Belle Province' - the place I got the hot dog - tried to find out my nationality and when I corrected him, he didn't believe I am Lebanese, saying you are 100% French! Well, what can I say? He's the expert. So he asked his so called "inspector" to investigate me. She's a Lebanese worker there. She tried to find out all information about me!

My new pink baby: Kalanchöe

Finally, I continued my walk between the closed shops as it was Easter vacation. Passing by a flower shop, I fell in love with a small plant that I had to buy for my study office to make it... more appealing to study! This plant is called Kalanchöe. It is pink and so cute! The florist advised me to arose it only once every 10 days which suits me very well! Kalanchöe is my new baby now, let's pray I won't ruin it! I hope you enjoyed the ride in my special day.

See you soon...

Conscience just ahead

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We all used to love Pinocchio when we were little (I still do), we even tried to be him :) Sometimes we still do, now that we're bit older. But when it's the turn for someone else to lie to us, that would be a problem!

So, when you realize that you've been lied to, the best thing to do is to say nothing about it and proceed with your conversation with the liar as if you haven't realize anything. Don't confront the liar immediately because you will not be able to take any additional information from him. Information are important to help you be sure about his lie, then you decide whether to confront the person at that time or hold off to figure how you can best use this insight to your advantage ;) And while proceeding with the conversation, here are some signs that can help you detect a lie:

• He won’t look you in the eyes while speaking
• If he says I am happy but only his mouth shows it, he is definitely lying
• He will get so defensive in his conversation
• He will try to step away from you a bit as if he is trying to escape the conversation
• He will touch his nose or ear or reach for his face as if he's trying to hide his expression or face's color change 
• If you ask him “Did you cheat on me?” He will answer with your same words saying: “No I didn't cheat on you.” Or he will give you a lecture about his believes instead of answering like: “You know how I think & that I'm against these things”
• He will sound more like a machine when talking and moving
• He would answer your question but he won't ask you one in return. Like when a guy asks his girlfriend if she’s ever been tested for AIDS and she responds with “Yes, of course! I do annual checkups, I even do blood donation, so I am good..." And that's it. Then, she is lying because if she was that concerned about her health as her answer implied, wouldn't she ask him the same question in return?
• If he says “I love you” while frowning, he is definitely lying
• He will start telling you tons of things until he sells you his story and loose the main subject
• He would want the subject changed, and when it is,  he’s in a more relaxed mood 
• He would say things like “To be totally honest” and “Why would I lie to you?”
• He would ask you to repeat your question as if he is trying to give time to himself to think about an answer like  “Where did you hear that?” or “Could you be more specific?”. 
• He would answer your question with another one like “Did I take out your report from the drawer? Is that what you’re asking me?”

So, if you are a real grown up Pinocchio here is a list to avoid when lying, and if you're not, you can use this list to detect the Pinocchio in your life. After all, we've all been a Pinocchio one day :)

PS: To make the text lighter, I would refer to a liar (he or she) by "he".

See you soon...

Who likes to fart on the first date?

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FIRST DATE... Oh yes, many of you just had flash backs, some with a smile on and others with a "haha oh my Goooooood!"

She was asked out on a date. Well, her date suggested she takes a half day off from work since the weather was great, so she accepted. He picked her up at 8 am and took her on a ride. He didn't tell her about the direction saying, 'We're going to spend quality time together sweety'. Happily, the lovely lady with the cute flowery dress, was sitting next to him in the car where the breeze was making her hair fly in all directions. What a lovely feeling. She had her sunglasses on, ready to enjoy the sun!

After few minutes of traffic, as they were heading to the city, she realized the place he was taking her to will definitely not include any romantic picnics nor sweet kisses on the beach. Few minutes later, he stopped the car in a very long row of other cars. It was actually the line up for the regular mechanical legal check for cars in Lebanon known as "El mechanic"... on their first date!

The girls laughed at their girlfriend's story. They all had some bad first dates stories to share too, and they started one after the other. But, this one takes the cake:

You know when they define "Winter" as the 3 month break between a woman and her razor, sometimes, they ain't lying! Actually, it was the beginning of spring season. Some people started going to the beach but yet not everyone! He invited her to dinner. He picked the place, as this lady hasn't suggested anything... of course, a first test, if you know what I mean. But, the problem was, he said it was a surprise and indeed it was! He came to pick her up from her house. She was expecting a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant, and she wasn't planning for anything more, again, NOTHING more on that first date. So, she had her hair done, had put on very light make up, a nice tight jeans and some killing high heels!

A few minutes later, he said 'I planned a surprise for you, I will make you remember this first date forever.' He proceeds, 'I got you a swimming suit, I am sure it will fit you as I am an expert in these things, and we are going to have a night swim in the beach now!' He adds 'We will then have a romantic dinner on the sand where I prepared everything even the wine bottle and the candles. I'm sure you will love this!'. Wow boy, creative! Seems like someone wants to get some candies for desert! Actually, as he was pronouncing these words, she couldn't think about anything but her legs that haven't been shaved in 3 month! Oh dear, I will help you imagine it: you know a monkey? aha, yeah! Same thing!

She will not be able to bear this, he will not neither. Poor guy! She couldn't think about any excuse, she hadn't any! So she asked him to pull over a supermarket as she planned to go in and get a manual woman razor (discretely) that she can use in the toilet to solve the problem. Of course the gentleman wouldn't accept letting her go in alone, he insisted to go in with her to buy whatever she needs and pay for it too! Can anyone think about any more embarrassing situation on a first date?

Now that I have shared these stories with you, it would be nice to share yours with us to make me and these ladies feel better! Come on boys and girls, don't be shy! Share with us your bad, funny and  embarrassing stories about your first dates.

Your turn!!

A narcissist or a cat?

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What do you think about love? No, no! Not another boring Juliette & Romeo's romance... not that kind of love! But the kind where you love yourself more than anyone in your life... The kind where you love how the other person loves you and where you love yourself through the other person's feelings to you.

Of course, loving oneself is something very essential; otherwise, one can never succeed in relationships and life and won't be able to love someone else and be loved. But... heard it or lived it, some people can love themselves even more than their families, their girlfriends and their wives. They tend to show that they are in love, and they actually are, but in fact, they are not in love with their partners but with themselves! They tend to choose or do the things that comfort them and bring them happiness, as they are the center of everything, trying to forget what might be of an interest to the close people around them too. They put themselves first. They don’t bother to understand the other person's feelings, perspectives or needs as they have no interest in meeting them. They are not easy to spot; you have to be in a serious friendship or relationship with them to figure them out. They would do anything to make things work out in a way that favors them.

Another type of self loving is when someone is in a relationship, and all what matters to him is how his partner loves him. What's the added value of his partner's love to his life and well being? These kinds of people like to get their own way, so they flirt as much as they can until their partner buys or gives them everything they want, material or not. "I love the way you love me", "I love how you take care of me", "I love the deserts you make me", "I love the beautiful jewelries you buy me",  "I love the fabulous vacations you book me", "I love how you talk to your friends about me", me me me me me!!!! Have you ever been in a relationship where your lover was using you to feel important? To reach his self esteem? Or to get the gifts and expensive things you buy and offer? How long did it take to be clear to you that he does not love you! He does not love how you are, but he loves the way you make him feel about himself, the importance you give him and the fact that you are ready to give him anything he wants. Of course, generosity is essential in a relationship, but when the relationship and love are based on what the other is offering - again, material or not- , then be sure that the day you stop buying your lady the expensive gifts or cooking your man the delicious dishes, or giving the most passion of all to your lover, that love will be over and your lover will be waving you good bye at the door step instead of being ready to give passion back to you!

A funny comparison between these types of lovers and cats, if you watch the behaviors of your cat - if you own one or if someone you know does- , you will feel in its character and behaviors a bit of what I mentioned above. But the good side of cats is that cats can ignore their owners sometimes but at least when they do they won't say they didn't :)

See you soon...

Cook that washed report...

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Click on photo to enlarge

• "Mommy mommy, I have an exam on Monday"
• "Honey, the lasagna you made is awful"
• "Mommy mommy, I wet my pants"
• "Honey, did you iron my white shirt?"
• "Hey girl, wanna go for a ladies night this weekend? You're so away"
• "Mommy mommy, you have a huge belly"
• "Hey Amy, you missed two gym sessions so far, is everything Ok?"
• "Hi darling, your dad is pissed off you're not visiting. Oh and you were tagged on Facebook, fix your eyebrows for God's sake!"
• "Hey honey, we're hosting a business dinner this Saturday, try to look the best that you can and clean the mess the kids made. Relying on your great cooking to make me look good!"
• "You have 1 message: Hello Amy, I want this second deliverable done by today no matter what. This is a very important client, work late if you need to"
• "Honey, can you please stop nagging? I'm watching football. Can you bring me a beer? Thanks hun!"

Well, I can proceed but I will stop! Babies, work, husband, pregnancy, cooking, housekeeping, looking great, love, family, good temper, work out, friends, social life, staying in shape, PMS, stress, exhaustiveness, ambition... Oh how strong we can be! And what jugglers we are! But is it fair?

In some societies, men and women have reached the level of understanding the concept of life sharing and what it really means. They understood how they should have same responsibilities in everything, or at least equally divided ones: like if one is financially supporting the family, how the other should focus more on the house tasks, or if both are employed, how both should get the work done together from kitchen to laundry!

Unfortunately, in some other societies, we still can find couples missing the whole point. In fact, women are said to be liberated in these societies. Before, women were housewives only, but now, they do work. They have the same capabilities in the market but, they are still doing the same work at home too, since their men are not willing to help!

So let me get it straight... Women still have to take care alone and fully of all their tasks as housewives even if they are working too? This means more responsibilities to the women and more working hours, but on the other hand, same old responsibilities to the men, same working hours. If you study the work hours per week of such couples (including office hours, kids, cooking and house tasks), you will realize that a woman is working 35 to 40% MORE per week than her man! Not even equally! Shocking right?

Is it really as a man says that it is not a 'man' thing to cook or do the dishes? Or is it just that woman is being too nice to her husband and children to the point that she is giving them more than she can handle? And when she gets exhausted, her family turns to her saying "Why you are not in shape like other women?" or "Why you don't have something interesting of your own other than us?" 

Well here is why: because these societies are based on what men need, what men think, and what men want to do. They are not based on how life cycle is built and not on how we as human are created. These societies can't be called liberated yet because this "liberation" is to the men's benefit not to the couples' good nor to healthier relationships.

Yes, look at your woman, she might be stronger, smarted and more talented than you are! But should you abuse that? Are you loving her this way or are you taking her to the edge? She is not a robot, she even has less physical capability than you have but still she is handling more than you do. Don't take her for granted, if she is doing by herself the work that you should be sharing, don't assume it is her duty to do so. No it is not!

And when it comes to the 'man' thing, as a woman I think it is less manly to have your woman work and get tired lot more than you do, and it is more manly to help her even if that includes doing some dishes or cooking some pasta.

Start sharing your life with your woman, and by sharing I mean total sharing. Trust me, if you want her to nag less, start changing your plan. She is not asking you to get pregnant, is she? ;)

PS: "Amy" is a character I have created for the context and she does not represent anyone in  particular in the real world. Thanks for the couple in the picture for posing, they were a great help and they do not relate to the context of the post in any way. No sexism is aimed by this post, only facts.

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Sail me away to your lie...

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It was summer time, 14 year old girl, didn't have much planned for a summer vacation. That summer, I was studying for my official exams. As I am an outdoor girl, studying inside was driving me crazy! So I decided to move it outside: The Balcony!

I live in a crowded street, people make random noises constantly. You hear car horns, neighbors' screams... But still I was happy, enjoying the company and the fresh breeze, trying to focus and study... It was my special adventure!

Since I was more into Math & Sciences, when I had to study History, my head used to make his way up to the clouds. But this time, not the clouds I was reaching, but this interesting unexpected stranger, just few meters away, sitting on the balcony of his apartment. Even with my glasses on, I couldn't see his face, he was too far away. I could just see his shape and a little bit of his moves, but that was enough to help me make him the hero of my love story, that he still doesn't know about till the day and that last the whole summer!

You know like that famous song, my lover had no face, no name and no number! The only thing I could see was his nice body or at least what I could see meters away. He used to put on some white shorts and hold only his coffee mug, no cell phones, no laptops... I decided, he was definitely single!

Every day, I used to wake up at noon, study hard in my room, then at 5 pm, when it was time for "History" study, I used to look outside to check if my stranger was already out. Then when I used to see him, I used to wait like half an hour (in order not to look desperate) then take my books outside and just sit there pretending to study. I tried not to look at him in the beginning to ignore he was staring at me even though I couldn't see his face :)

He had thick eye brows and brown eyes. His lips were soft and his smile a killer! This is how I used to see him. I even had to distinguish between his looks (when he likes my outfit, when he encourages me to study, when he says I miss you and when he just tries to reach out for a word from me). I had to memorize his laughs and his frown when I used to get out late to the balcony! Yes! His frown used to be so severe especially when I used to show up wearing small skirts and very tiny white, pink or yellow tops. He was the jealous type and he taught me how to tease him. I used to put out my closet every day to choose the best outfit for the day: some were sassy, some were cute! I used to call my girlfriends to tell them about him, about what he did today and how he acted. They know him as "white shorts" guy!

We used to have very long chats, with the eyes and nothing but the eyes. We used to fight, make up and make out. I used to dream day and night about him holding my hands and kissing them softly with passion! I used to imagine him pulling my hair off my face so he can look me in the eyes and tell me that I was the sweetest little thing he has ever seen! I used to believe that I was his source of happiness, and that I was the reason for him to come back every day to the balcony at the exact same time! 

Yes... every day at 5 pm, he never missed a date! I used to put my books of "History" on the table of the balcony, put my glasses on to make it look more serious and go on a "date" with that beautiful sweet stranger! He gave me confidence and showed me how interesting I could be to a man. Our love was so wild; we didn't care for the neighbors to see us, and we didn't care for our parents to notice our looks! We just had to be there, feel connected and loved!

Actually, you made that 14 year old girl feel wanted for the first time in her life beautiful sweet stranger. You made her feel like a little Woman!

See you soon...

Fish memory...

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Did someone you love hurt you? Was it a cheating boyfriend? A careless parent? Or a rude best friend?... Some of us have experienced such situations once or twice in our lives: situations we can't remember, others we just can’t forget… You can decide to stay angry for the rest of your life, and even think about revenge or just forgive and forget!

Actually, hurt feelings are never caused by random people, not by someone you just met at a bar and not by your taxi driver. It's the closest and most important people in your life who can hurt you the most. Yes, it's awful but it's true! Why? Because you were relying on them, they made you feel safe and warm, you trusted them, you told them your greatest secrets and your deepest fears. They shared the best days of your life, they even shared your dreams, plate or bed... Believe it or not, these are the people who can hurt you the most because they are the only people who matter, the only people that you never thought they would do or say something harsh to you.

When this person hurts you, you will hate him, and you will think about revenge day and night. You will also feel rejection like a kind of denial to what happened, hoping it's just a nightmare that's going to end the next day. But it won't. And you will say "I'll never forgive him”, you will wish he goes to hell, but actually, you will be the one ending up in hell! How??

Well try to remember (or imagine) yourself in the following situation: You and your lover were deeply in love (this can also apply to best friends & family betrayal not only romance betrayal). He was a very nice caring person who's raised you to the level of safety and stability. You were building future together when suddenly you found yourself destroyed by his act. What did you feel then? Was it depression? Did you start smoking or consuming alcohol irrationally? Did you hope he would be more miserable than you are? Were you accused of low performance in your school results or work deliveries? Did you gain or loose weight suddenly? Did you loose self confidence? Did you encounter stress, anxiety, blood pressure?

Does all this seem familiar to you? It does! Who is getting the punishment now? Obviously not the other person... it’s YOU! You are the one whose social relations are affected because people can't take your 24/7 nagging anymore. You are the one losing! Think about it this way… and you will notice that anger & bitterness are not making you any good! You deserve to laugh and enjoy every moment of your life. You deserve to feel secure again. It doesn't mean you'll deny what the other did or said, and your forgiveness won't justify his act: what happened will always remain there. But forgiveness will help you focus on yourself and move on with your life instead of wasting energy and time.

Not just that! You will have difficulties meeting new people. And if you do, you will feel insecure in your new relationship, because you will keep on comparing. You will be afraid that this new person is not trust worthy neither. You will not be able to give that new person the chance that he might deserve. You won’t be able to enjoy your present because you are still attached to that one experience that happened in the past!

Are you convinced? If yes, learn how to commit to forgiveness. First, understand what forgiveness would change in your life, health and well-being. Then simply decide to forgive the person who's offended you. You should not think about yourself as a victim anymore, and you need to be strong to do that, you need to have courage.

Finally, if that person is still a dear to you and you would care to reconciliation with him,  forgiveness can lead to it. However, if you don't want him back to your life, forgiveness is still possible. Let go of revenge thoughts and refuse to hurt the one who hurt you because only then you will feel better than he was. I believe that we as humans are cursed to have a memory that  can remember bad things, but at the same time, blessed to have a gap in that memory that helps us forget.

I would like to end this post by a great saying from the greatest Gibran Kahlil Gibran:

“How noble is the sad heart who would sing a joyous song with joyous hearts”.

PS: To make the text lighter, I would refer to a person (he or she) by "he".

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