A Man or an ATM?

Back to My life in spaghetti homepage

Today many women are financially completely independent but we still see female family members, friends or neighbors delegating their financial security to a spouse, from shelter to other living expenses. How I see it, even if your husband's income is sufficient to pay the bills and maintain a high lifestyle standard, it is a huge mistake for a woman to rely on anyone but herself when it comes to finances.

Financial independence is priceless. It is very important for a woman of any age to maintain financial independence. If you are not a woman with ambition and don't care for success in your career and self esteem, you don't need to get a huge income. You don't even need to work 24/7 specially if you have kids and need to take care of them (we all know that raising children is a full time job already), but even a small job or a part time one will do the job...

I'm not saying do not accept money from your husband or take on his responsibilities. NO! We don't want any lazy irresponsible husbands. And I am not saying that you should have equal responsibility for spending in the relationship and for building for the future. Financial and social situations should be taken into consideration like who's income is higher, years of work experience, age difference... Instead, I am saying do not rely entirely on his income.

But why is it that important to maintain financial independence? In her book Sherry Argov said, "Work = Money = Keeping your pink slip = The ability to choose the way you want to be treated = Dignity". She added, "Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand on your own - with him or without him. He should never feel that you are completely at his mercy."

Better for you to work as a waitress one day a week and you will put on your new shoes and you will not have to explain "nothing" to "nobody"! If he is paying all the bills, trust me "money gets funny and the change gets strange".

Another point is that when you decide to get married you never expect it to fall apart. However, nothing in life is certain. Divorce or separation can happen to absolutely anyone of us even for couples that have been together for over than 20 years! The unpredictable is the most hard thing to take and you'd better be in a situation where even if separation happens, you are already used to taking care of at least your basic needs completely on your own!

I don't want to be pessimistic, but other than divorce, we are never promised another day. What would a woman dependent financially on her husband do if he... passes away? Unless he is a damn rich guy who is leaving all his fortune to you, then good luck finding one. I've seen a woman at the age of 40 obliged to find a job for the first time in her life because she lost her husband and she still has kids to take care of and bills to pay.

Last but not least, which family didn't have at least one of its members loosing his/her job? Only small percentage of people has complete job security. Imagine your husband is the only breadwinner and he looses his job or his business goes wrong, what would you do then? Loss of employment can result in the loss of everything in a home where one person is relied upon for the income.

When you are not already in the labor market or if you are away from it for many years, it is so hard for you to get in or get back. Employers prefer candidates with a dynamic CV. Even fresh skills with very good CVs are nowadays finding difficulty to find a job with the economic situation in Lebanon, Europe, Canada etc...

Here are ten of the most important things women can do for themselves and their financial future from About.com and modified:

• Don't rely on someone else, like a husband or boyfriend, for your financial security
• Educate yourself about money management and investing
• Set goals - it's key to financial success
• Spend less than you earn - it's the secret to creating wealth
• Get a good education degree
• Build an emergency fund
• Be involved in the day-to-day management of your family's finances, and talk about money with your spouse
• If you are graduating soon, wait until you get a job and you feel you are financially stable before tying the knot
• Don't take on your partner's or spouse's debt when you marry. Let him deal with them before getting you evolved!
• Learn from your money mistakes

See you soon...