Fish memory...

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Did someone you love hurt you? Was it a cheating boyfriend? A careless parent? Or a rude best friend?... Some of us have experienced such situations once or twice in our lives: situations we can't remember, others we just can’t forget… You can decide to stay angry for the rest of your life, and even think about revenge or just forgive and forget!

Actually, hurt feelings are never caused by random people, not by someone you just met at a bar and not by your taxi driver. It's the closest and most important people in your life who can hurt you the most. Yes, it's awful but it's true! Why? Because you were relying on them, they made you feel safe and warm, you trusted them, you told them your greatest secrets and your deepest fears. They shared the best days of your life, they even shared your dreams, plate or bed... Believe it or not, these are the people who can hurt you the most because they are the only people who matter, the only people that you never thought they would do or say something harsh to you.

When this person hurts you, you will hate him, and you will think about revenge day and night. You will also feel rejection like a kind of denial to what happened, hoping it's just a nightmare that's going to end the next day. But it won't. And you will say "I'll never forgive him”, you will wish he goes to hell, but actually, you will be the one ending up in hell! How??

Well try to remember (or imagine) yourself in the following situation: You and your lover were deeply in love (this can also apply to best friends & family betrayal not only romance betrayal). He was a very nice caring person who's raised you to the level of safety and stability. You were building future together when suddenly you found yourself destroyed by his act. What did you feel then? Was it depression? Did you start smoking or consuming alcohol irrationally? Did you hope he would be more miserable than you are? Were you accused of low performance in your school results or work deliveries? Did you gain or loose weight suddenly? Did you loose self confidence? Did you encounter stress, anxiety, blood pressure?

Does all this seem familiar to you? It does! Who is getting the punishment now? Obviously not the other person... it’s YOU! You are the one whose social relations are affected because people can't take your 24/7 nagging anymore. You are the one losing! Think about it this way… and you will notice that anger & bitterness are not making you any good! You deserve to laugh and enjoy every moment of your life. You deserve to feel secure again. It doesn't mean you'll deny what the other did or said, and your forgiveness won't justify his act: what happened will always remain there. But forgiveness will help you focus on yourself and move on with your life instead of wasting energy and time.

Not just that! You will have difficulties meeting new people. And if you do, you will feel insecure in your new relationship, because you will keep on comparing. You will be afraid that this new person is not trust worthy neither. You will not be able to give that new person the chance that he might deserve. You won’t be able to enjoy your present because you are still attached to that one experience that happened in the past!

Are you convinced? If yes, learn how to commit to forgiveness. First, understand what forgiveness would change in your life, health and well-being. Then simply decide to forgive the person who's offended you. You should not think about yourself as a victim anymore, and you need to be strong to do that, you need to have courage.

Finally, if that person is still a dear to you and you would care to reconciliation with him,  forgiveness can lead to it. However, if you don't want him back to your life, forgiveness is still possible. Let go of revenge thoughts and refuse to hurt the one who hurt you because only then you will feel better than he was. I believe that we as humans are cursed to have a memory that  can remember bad things, but at the same time, blessed to have a gap in that memory that helps us forget.

I would like to end this post by a great saying from the greatest Gibran Kahlil Gibran:

“How noble is the sad heart who would sing a joyous song with joyous hearts”.

PS: To make the text lighter, I would refer to a person (he or she) by "he".

See you soon...