A narcissist or a cat?

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What do you think about love? No, no! Not another boring Juliette & Romeo's romance... not that kind of love! But the kind where you love yourself more than anyone in your life... The kind where you love how the other person loves you and where you love yourself through the other person's feelings to you.

Of course, loving oneself is something very essential; otherwise, one can never succeed in relationships and life and won't be able to love someone else and be loved. But... heard it or lived it, some people can love themselves even more than their families, their girlfriends and their wives. They tend to show that they are in love, and they actually are, but in fact, they are not in love with their partners but with themselves! They tend to choose or do the things that comfort them and bring them happiness, as they are the center of everything, trying to forget what might be of an interest to the close people around them too. They put themselves first. They don’t bother to understand the other person's feelings, perspectives or needs as they have no interest in meeting them. They are not easy to spot; you have to be in a serious friendship or relationship with them to figure them out. They would do anything to make things work out in a way that favors them.

Another type of self loving is when someone is in a relationship, and all what matters to him is how his partner loves him. What's the added value of his partner's love to his life and well being? These kinds of people like to get their own way, so they flirt as much as they can until their partner buys or gives them everything they want, material or not. "I love the way you love me", "I love how you take care of me", "I love the deserts you make me", "I love the beautiful jewelries you buy me",  "I love the fabulous vacations you book me", "I love how you talk to your friends about me", me me me me me!!!! Have you ever been in a relationship where your lover was using you to feel important? To reach his self esteem? Or to get the gifts and expensive things you buy and offer? How long did it take to be clear to you that he does not love you! He does not love how you are, but he loves the way you make him feel about himself, the importance you give him and the fact that you are ready to give him anything he wants. Of course, generosity is essential in a relationship, but when the relationship and love are based on what the other is offering - again, material or not- , then be sure that the day you stop buying your lady the expensive gifts or cooking your man the delicious dishes, or giving the most passion of all to your lover, that love will be over and your lover will be waving you good bye at the door step instead of being ready to give passion back to you!

A funny comparison between these types of lovers and cats, if you watch the behaviors of your cat - if you own one or if someone you know does- , you will feel in its character and behaviors a bit of what I mentioned above. But the good side of cats is that cats can ignore their owners sometimes but at least when they do they won't say they didn't :)

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Cook that washed report...

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• "Mommy mommy, I have an exam on Monday"
• "Honey, the lasagna you made is awful"
• "Mommy mommy, I wet my pants"
• "Honey, did you iron my white shirt?"
• "Hey girl, wanna go for a ladies night this weekend? You're so away"
• "Mommy mommy, you have a huge belly"
• "Hey Amy, you missed two gym sessions so far, is everything Ok?"
• "Hi darling, your dad is pissed off you're not visiting. Oh and you were tagged on Facebook, fix your eyebrows for God's sake!"
• "Hey honey, we're hosting a business dinner this Saturday, try to look the best that you can and clean the mess the kids made. Relying on your great cooking to make me look good!"
• "You have 1 message: Hello Amy, I want this second deliverable done by today no matter what. This is a very important client, work late if you need to"
• "Honey, can you please stop nagging? I'm watching football. Can you bring me a beer? Thanks hun!"

Well, I can proceed but I will stop! Babies, work, husband, pregnancy, cooking, housekeeping, looking great, love, family, good temper, work out, friends, social life, staying in shape, PMS, stress, exhaustiveness, ambition... Oh how strong we can be! And what jugglers we are! But is it fair?

In some societies, men and women have reached the level of understanding the concept of life sharing and what it really means. They understood how they should have same responsibilities in everything, or at least equally divided ones: like if one is financially supporting the family, how the other should focus more on the house tasks, or if both are employed, how both should get the work done together from kitchen to laundry!

Unfortunately, in some other societies, we still can find couples missing the whole point. In fact, women are said to be liberated in these societies. Before, women were housewives only, but now, they do work. They have the same capabilities in the market but, they are still doing the same work at home too, since their men are not willing to help!

So let me get it straight... Women still have to take care alone and fully of all their tasks as housewives even if they are working too? This means more responsibilities to the women and more working hours, but on the other hand, same old responsibilities to the men, same working hours. If you study the work hours per week of such couples (including office hours, kids, cooking and house tasks), you will realize that a woman is working 35 to 40% MORE per week than her man! Not even equally! Shocking right?

Is it really as a man says that it is not a 'man' thing to cook or do the dishes? Or is it just that woman is being too nice to her husband and children to the point that she is giving them more than she can handle? And when she gets exhausted, her family turns to her saying "Why you are not in shape like other women?" or "Why you don't have something interesting of your own other than us?" 

Well here is why: because these societies are based on what men need, what men think, and what men want to do. They are not based on how life cycle is built and not on how we as human are created. These societies can't be called liberated yet because this "liberation" is to the men's benefit not to the couples' good nor to healthier relationships.

Yes, look at your woman, she might be stronger, smarted and more talented than you are! But should you abuse that? Are you loving her this way or are you taking her to the edge? She is not a robot, she even has less physical capability than you have but still she is handling more than you do. Don't take her for granted, if she is doing by herself the work that you should be sharing, don't assume it is her duty to do so. No it is not!

And when it comes to the 'man' thing, as a woman I think it is less manly to have your woman work and get tired lot more than you do, and it is more manly to help her even if that includes doing some dishes or cooking some pasta.

Start sharing your life with your woman, and by sharing I mean total sharing. Trust me, if you want her to nag less, start changing your plan. She is not asking you to get pregnant, is she? ;)

PS: "Amy" is a character I have created for the context and she does not represent anyone in  particular in the real world. Thanks for the couple in the picture for posing, they were a great help and they do not relate to the context of the post in any way. No sexism is aimed by this post, only facts.

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Sail me away to your lie...

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It was summer time, 14 year old girl, didn't have much planned for a summer vacation. That summer, I was studying for my official exams. As I am an outdoor girl, studying inside was driving me crazy! So I decided to move it outside: The Balcony!

I live in a crowded street, people make random noises constantly. You hear car horns, neighbors' screams... But still I was happy, enjoying the company and the fresh breeze, trying to focus and study... It was my special adventure!

Since I was more into Math & Sciences, when I had to study History, my head used to make his way up to the clouds. But this time, not the clouds I was reaching, but this interesting unexpected stranger, just few meters away, sitting on the balcony of his apartment. Even with my glasses on, I couldn't see his face, he was too far away. I could just see his shape and a little bit of his moves, but that was enough to help me make him the hero of my love story, that he still doesn't know about till the day and that last the whole summer!

You know like that famous song, my lover had no face, no name and no number! The only thing I could see was his nice body or at least what I could see meters away. He used to put on some white shorts and hold only his coffee mug, no cell phones, no laptops... I decided, he was definitely single!

Every day, I used to wake up at noon, study hard in my room, then at 5 pm, when it was time for "History" study, I used to look outside to check if my stranger was already out. Then when I used to see him, I used to wait like half an hour (in order not to look desperate) then take my books outside and just sit there pretending to study. I tried not to look at him in the beginning to ignore he was staring at me even though I couldn't see his face :)

He had thick eye brows and brown eyes. His lips were soft and his smile a killer! This is how I used to see him. I even had to distinguish between his looks (when he likes my outfit, when he encourages me to study, when he says I miss you and when he just tries to reach out for a word from me). I had to memorize his laughs and his frown when I used to get out late to the balcony! Yes! His frown used to be so severe especially when I used to show up wearing small skirts and very tiny white, pink or yellow tops. He was the jealous type and he taught me how to tease him. I used to put out my closet every day to choose the best outfit for the day: some were sassy, some were cute! I used to call my girlfriends to tell them about him, about what he did today and how he acted. They know him as "white shorts" guy!

We used to have very long chats, with the eyes and nothing but the eyes. We used to fight, make up and make out. I used to dream day and night about him holding my hands and kissing them softly with passion! I used to imagine him pulling my hair off my face so he can look me in the eyes and tell me that I was the sweetest little thing he has ever seen! I used to believe that I was his source of happiness, and that I was the reason for him to come back every day to the balcony at the exact same time! 

Yes... every day at 5 pm, he never missed a date! I used to put my books of "History" on the table of the balcony, put my glasses on to make it look more serious and go on a "date" with that beautiful sweet stranger! He gave me confidence and showed me how interesting I could be to a man. Our love was so wild; we didn't care for the neighbors to see us, and we didn't care for our parents to notice our looks! We just had to be there, feel connected and loved!

Actually, you made that 14 year old girl feel wanted for the first time in her life beautiful sweet stranger. You made her feel like a little Woman!

See you soon...

Fish memory...

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Did someone you love hurt you? Was it a cheating boyfriend? A careless parent? Or a rude best friend?... Some of us have experienced such situations once or twice in our lives: situations we can't remember, others we just can’t forget… You can decide to stay angry for the rest of your life, and even think about revenge or just forgive and forget!

Actually, hurt feelings are never caused by random people, not by someone you just met at a bar and not by your taxi driver. It's the closest and most important people in your life who can hurt you the most. Yes, it's awful but it's true! Why? Because you were relying on them, they made you feel safe and warm, you trusted them, you told them your greatest secrets and your deepest fears. They shared the best days of your life, they even shared your dreams, plate or bed... Believe it or not, these are the people who can hurt you the most because they are the only people who matter, the only people that you never thought they would do or say something harsh to you.

When this person hurts you, you will hate him, and you will think about revenge day and night. You will also feel rejection like a kind of denial to what happened, hoping it's just a nightmare that's going to end the next day. But it won't. And you will say "I'll never forgive him”, you will wish he goes to hell, but actually, you will be the one ending up in hell! How??

Well try to remember (or imagine) yourself in the following situation: You and your lover were deeply in love (this can also apply to best friends & family betrayal not only romance betrayal). He was a very nice caring person who's raised you to the level of safety and stability. You were building future together when suddenly you found yourself destroyed by his act. What did you feel then? Was it depression? Did you start smoking or consuming alcohol irrationally? Did you hope he would be more miserable than you are? Were you accused of low performance in your school results or work deliveries? Did you gain or loose weight suddenly? Did you loose self confidence? Did you encounter stress, anxiety, blood pressure?

Does all this seem familiar to you? It does! Who is getting the punishment now? Obviously not the other person... it’s YOU! You are the one whose social relations are affected because people can't take your 24/7 nagging anymore. You are the one losing! Think about it this way… and you will notice that anger & bitterness are not making you any good! You deserve to laugh and enjoy every moment of your life. You deserve to feel secure again. It doesn't mean you'll deny what the other did or said, and your forgiveness won't justify his act: what happened will always remain there. But forgiveness will help you focus on yourself and move on with your life instead of wasting energy and time.

Not just that! You will have difficulties meeting new people. And if you do, you will feel insecure in your new relationship, because you will keep on comparing. You will be afraid that this new person is not trust worthy neither. You will not be able to give that new person the chance that he might deserve. You won’t be able to enjoy your present because you are still attached to that one experience that happened in the past!

Are you convinced? If yes, learn how to commit to forgiveness. First, understand what forgiveness would change in your life, health and well-being. Then simply decide to forgive the person who's offended you. You should not think about yourself as a victim anymore, and you need to be strong to do that, you need to have courage.

Finally, if that person is still a dear to you and you would care to reconciliation with him,  forgiveness can lead to it. However, if you don't want him back to your life, forgiveness is still possible. Let go of revenge thoughts and refuse to hurt the one who hurt you because only then you will feel better than he was. I believe that we as humans are cursed to have a memory that  can remember bad things, but at the same time, blessed to have a gap in that memory that helps us forget.

I would like to end this post by a great saying from the greatest Gibran Kahlil Gibran:

“How noble is the sad heart who would sing a joyous song with joyous hearts”.

PS: To make the text lighter, I would refer to a person (he or she) by "he".

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Let's just try that appetizer...

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Similar to many decisions I have taken in my life, starting my own blog took 1 minute to be decided, 10 minutes to be planned & 2 seconds to be applied! It might not be the perfect way to start things that we'd like to last, but it's my way to have the work done. Some days I might not have something interesting to write about, but some others, and I'm sure, I would just want to get back home, sit in front of my screen & just write! Bad or good writing skills, all can be improved, what matters is what i have to say and it reminds me “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu

I might want to write sometimes about food, dreams, lies, travel, friendship, anger, happiness, satisfaction, personal experience, guys, girls, boyfriends, parents, existence, identity, hormones, series, weather, self improvements, fitness, budgets, Lebanon, Canada, characters, beer, love, relations, animals (naaaah), passion, hobbies, self defense, photography, life, books, religion, conflicts... or not... but nothing professional, just me seeing things from my perspective, sometimes silly stuff, sometimes none sense and sometimes crazy thoughts in my own words! That... I have a lot! Thoughts that I control, and others that I don't. The point is, while reading, if you stop for a second and say "what the hell is she talking about", believe me you're there!

See you soon, maybe once a week, maybe once a year, both case, hope you enjoy!